Crash

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Veiled

Friday…

Spent doing what all 40 somethings do..binge watching Buffy and drinking alone.. Or at least that is what I am doing..not that it really matters much to anyone. I tend to push most away,or it seems that way. I have a tendency to shine a light into peoples dark and they dont ever like what they see so they close their eyes and turn away. But I still stand here with my light alone as I always will be.

Just a moment of your time..

It is so much harder today trying to get myself going. There is sunshine and I want to go stand in it but can’t seem to pull myself out of the darkness. I know you wll probaby never read these things I pour out,spilling them over the place that you held sway. All I every really wanted was your time, that all the other things would come in waves that I could ride out and embrace. But it seems that your time was the only thing you could not give, so I have stopped asking for it, and now even your words are hard to find.

Wine and Rambles..

You always hear “go back to the begining and start over” when ever you mess up on something, but the thing is with life is you can’t ever really go back. You have to move forward.

So here I am doing things as back to basics as I can get right now. Rambles typed out on a blank screen to send out into the nothing of the cloud. But here is where I can start to breath again and maybe this time keep breathig just for me.

Although life has me pretty jaded about alot of things in the Verse. But I have always told people that if they want to get to know who I am, then read my words. This is me, about as real as I will be most of the time, then I stop speaking, I stop sharing. I have been in this place before, found my voice and found someone to share it with… but I always get quiet when my thoughts are poured into others.

This is here I will remind myself that I should pour these thoughts out fo myself as well. So if your still reading.. thanks.. and be warned this space wil be spammed with all that is me.

The break..

I took part in a prison break today. My own escape from the walls of my house into the world at large.

My first stop was the doctor’s office where they shot xrays at my leg and said looks good! So now I can wear actual shoes! On both feet even! I know, I know..crazy exciting stuff here. My life is filled with these sorts of things.

But after that it was stopping to get provisions for the return trip and future exile back in the place of home. Food,wine, and a few seasons of some shows from the library.

I am ready for a real break..a break out of this place and out of the life I have been living.

As soon as I get my wheels…this bitch is gone!

Morning..

It’s morning, although it looks like afternoon under the grey sky. Rain again..with sleet and other bits of cold. It keeps coating me in slickness, a form of protection against the thoughts of you. It wont last longthough,it never does.

Coffee and a smoke while I get the house warm again. My thoughts are in a mad race today. I will find out if I can walk again with out help. I will leave this prison of a house and breath again for a little while.

Spring is quietly raging inside of me, demanding I let Her free and I cant seem to cut the chains fast enough. My feet crave the warm sand of my sanctuary. The bright fire and drummed heartbeats.

This winter needs to break the way it broke me.

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